Prayers

What Japan is going through right know is so much greater than the difficulties we are going through waiting to bring our children home. For 4 years during college I lived with Annie who was from Japan, except for 4 years or so in New York. She lives in Hawaii, but her father is in Japan. He is low on food, heat and water, but won't leave to stay with her because he's too worried about leaving his house empty. I cannot imagine searching for my husband or children that might have been lost at sea. It's heartbreaking to think of not being able to feed my children or have them exposed to radiation. Can you even imagine? Please keep these people in your prayers today. Please keep Mr. Takechi in your prayers tonight.

An evening to celebrate

A few minutes ago Heather and Rolyn took off to go get Bek and attend their embassy appointment. With 10 days of hard or confusing news out of ET, I am SO glad there is a little good ET news to celebrate. Travel safely guys. Enjoy that long yearned for time with Bek, and I KNEW you'd be with him for his 1st birthday. YAY! An evening to celebrate :) We are thankful and happy tonight.

Perspective

I often talk to my sister while she's on her way to work and I've dropped off the Bean at school and am on the way to the gym. She's a doctor. Today I was telling her how hard the last few days have been with the uncertainty of changes in Ethiopia. When I asked her about what was up for her day she said that in addition to her patients she had to visit a little girl who she had delivered healthy a couple of years ago. A virus a few days after she was born has left her with a lifetime of heart problems and struggles. She's in the Peds ICU right now after heart surgery. She said how visiting the PICU always puts life in perspective for her. My nephew just had another tummy bug and she said the other morning she was tired, having a bit of a pity party from cleaning up vomit and diarrhea all night, when she walked in and it instantaneously put an end to feeling bad. After I heard that it made me tear up because though it doesn't take away from what's going on for us right now we sure hope this is a temporary situation. I have thought a lot about that little mite today and her parents and the struggles they are going to have for years to come. Perspective.

Introducing the numbers seven, ten and eleven...

It sounds like a Sesame Street episode, but unfortunately not.

Seven months since referral.
Ten months old.
Eleven weeks since court.

Today our sweet girls turn 10 months half a world away from us. It has now been eleven weeks since we saw them and went to court. From the updates we've received they have changed so much since we were there. They look so much older, they are probably crawling by now since they were firmly on all fours a few weeks ago, and are pulling up to standing in their cribs. My heart aches with not being able to love them, hug them, rock them etc. When we accepted the referral the day after they were 3 months old I would never have expected not to have them home by now. Tomorrow is 7 months from our referral day. 7 months. Most days I have been able to shove all this sadness, disappointment, worry and concern somewhere into a box where I still know it's there, but life goes on. Every couple of weeks I have a really bad day. Usually triggered by a new update, which I love to get, but it does bring home how much I miss them, or some other event, then the day is a struggle and I have to 2:30pm to get it together and suck it up so when I pick the Bean up from school she is unaware of any upset so as not to upset and worry her because this is not her burden to carry. That is really important to me. It is so hard for her if she ever sees me upset.

So today when the girls are 10 months old and so far away I can only hope they are healthy, happy and feel loved. I hope their birth family knows we cannot pick them up, it's not that we wouldn't be there in a heartbeat if we could be. Their nursery is almost done, but it's really hard to go in to finish it right now because it seems so empty in there without them and who knows how much longer it'll be. When we left for court we never imagined they wouldn't be home by now. We thought we'd be watching them crawl for the first time, pull up for the first time, and though I remind myself over again that we'll have so much more time with them than we're missing, today I want to hug my babies and be able to tell them how big they are and how loved they are.

This week we found out we have to start renewing our visa which expires mid-June. This means redoing our home study so fingerprints have to be re-done, medical exams, blood work and all the paperwork. The cost about $1,000+. Had this wait not gone so long that would be money that would have been spent on our travel costs, or put towards the girls college fund etc etc. When I woke up this morning I was mad. Yup, I'm being honest. I'm tired of hearing there is no news. Tired of hearing nothing we can do. Tired of hearing we just have to wait. Tired of hearing potentially bad news in the last couple of weeks and not knowing how badly it could affect us or whether it even has validity. Tired of worrying if there is a chance we might not see our girls again. To also put into perspective what renewing our visa means is this: in June we still wouldn't have them home. They would be 13+months old, it would be 10 months since we accepted our referral (almost a year,) we would have missed their 1st birthday by a long shot (despite them being barely 3 months old at referral.) A reality that we have to look at this point since we need to do this renewal. That's hard to look at and keep our chin up.

Sorry this isn't a happier, uplifting, positive post, but today I'm also tired of trying to look on the bright side. 11 weeks is so long. Perhaps I'll have a happier blog later in the week, probably on a different subject than adoption.